Ladies and Gentleman my name is Reagan Cole AKA The Reagmaster and I’m here to review the TNA shows because why not? I had nothing else better to do. So let’s review TNA Impact 28th July.
So we start it with good old Broken Matt Hardy and Reby Skye who calls out Jeff Hardy AKA Brother Nero AKA the OBSOLETE mule. I love this rivalry so far because I think I’m watching Lucha Underground. Maybe I am and I haven’t realized. So Matt orders Jeff to help him in his semi-final match against EC3 which summons the man in question and Ethan comes down to the ring and Matt Hardy does some weird breathing in his face or something. I don’t know what this is. EC3 mocks Hardy and I wanna request one thing. Can we make The Hardy House of Whores a thing? We need to get that thing on a t-shirt. Then Matt Hardy threatens to eat EC3’s cat and it is on. So this was the normal, average segment to set up a future match which tonight is the first match.
Bound For Glory Playoffs: Semi-Final
BROKEN Matt Hardy vs EC3
I am a bit confused why this was the first match. I would have these two as the main event but never-mind. EC3 tweaked his leg during the first couple of minutes which Carter is not that good at selling the leg. He was doing his normal moves but he was limping, that was it. But then, Matt Hardy bit EC3’s nose open. And no doctors interfered! Take note WWE. You don’t need doctors for slight cuts. So after a really short match that lasted nearly 8 minutes which is weird and disappointing because I thought it should have a bit longer since it was a semi-final match, in the end Reby Sky distracted the ref which failed because Ethan then caused a collision between Hardy, Reby and the ref. Then Brother Nero threw a hammer into the ring, the same hammer that caused Hardy to get to this point of the tournament. The referee caught the hammer though and as he was putting it away, Carter hit Matt with the exposed turnbuckle pad from earlier in the match. This match was very overbooked, so overbooked that it was confusing to say what exactly happened and it also felt like it was rushed. I just to want to mention that I want the Bound Of Glory Series back! But then again we didn’t even know if they would last the entire series so it’s fine.
Match Rating: 6/10
Maria and Madison Rayne Segment
We cut to backstage to Madison Rayne. Allie comes in and introduces Maria into the situation. Allie is getting better at her gimmick each time I see her, in other words she gets slightly more annoying every time I see her, which is a good thing. I think? So Maria is impressed with Madison after last week where Rayne attacked Kim but, Madison states that she did it for herself which is good because I don’t really think a Maria and Madison team would work at all. Anyways, the whole point of this segment was to pretty much build up Rayne as not fully a heel which is good for her.
We move on to Jeff/Nero seen walking to his car and he is stopped by his brother. I’m starting to get a bit sick of seeing Matt so much in not even the first 20 minutes of the show. Jeff pretty much tried to demand that Matt punish him but Matt responded with “The breaking point is orgasmic.” That alone, pretty much describes this segment as a whole.
Madison Rayne vs Gail Kim
Before we get started: GET RID OF MADISON’S THEME! Give her back the ‘Killa Queen’ theme. Her current one doesn’t fit her at all. As for the match, it had an amazing pace to start off which I expected from these two women. Madison Rayne is quite underrated in the ring and Gail Kim is one of the best women in the world so I had a feeling that this would be good. Poor Earl Hebner by the way, Madison argued with him after every pinfall. Rayne hit the Rayne shack on Kim just for Gail to clutch the ropes in time. Meanwhile on commentary Josh Matthews called TNA’s fall of fame “prestigious”. That is all I have to say about that. So these two were having a pretty average match until the ending. Gail did the “no sell finishing spot” cliché and hit Madison with the eat defeat which I hated. It makes Rayne look stupid and it wasn’t needed. Kinda wanted an actual finish rather than what we got. Anyway Gail Kim starts on her journey to defeat every knockout to gain a title shot.
Match rating: 7/10
Bennett & Moose segment
This felt like a filler pretty much. Bennett and Moose talked about how they were going to destroy Lashley etc. Etc.
Bram and Rosemary segment
So Bram met Rosemary at a farm where she grew up and she started to talk about the time where she lost her innocence. She had a cat called Fifi who was sick and begs the question: why is there so much talk of cats suddenly? First EC3 and now Rosemary. Anyway…so: Rosemary took the cat to her mum who said she will take care of it. Then Rosemary found her cat in the trash. So did her mother kill the cat? I’m guessing that is what happened and then Rosemary fell off a tree that she climbed up (the metaphors are real), then she slowly turned cray-cray so she found her “brother” who is a voice from a tree. To quote Bram “I am a little bit confused, what’s going on here to be quite honest” I do like the character development of Rosemary though, and it looks like it won’t be the end of it as she mentioned something about the shed, which I have a feeling might have something to do with her mother but I’m not sure. This was a pretty good segment though.
Moose’s in-ring debut
So it was time for Moose’s first match as a TNA Superstar. And his first match is against David Starr. Oh no. Starr deserves better than being Moose food. Moose dominated most of the match and David messed up b getting some punches and elbows in and he payed for it because Moose reversed the suicide dive from Starr into an apron powerbomb, then he hit his infamous Game Breaker which Starr Dolph Zigglered because that sell was amazing. Moose gets that easy 1,2,3. David Starr, in my opinion is a good wrestler and even though he got some good offence.
Match Rating: 4/10
Lashley and Bennett/Moose/DJ Z segment
Slowly realising that there is now like, a part of this show which is dedicated to a top heel because at the start, it was Matt Hardy and now it’s Mike Bennett. Mike hyped Moose some more but he was interrupted by the X-Division and the TNA World champion. I think it was a bad idea to put the X-division title on Lashley because he simply doesn’t need it. Personally I hate anyone that has more than 1 championship though. So Lashley and Moose had a massive stare-down until Mike got involved and pulled Moose back and said that he wants Moose to have Mike’s back in his match later against Galloway. Lashley of course tried to get Moose to come back in the ring but The Miracle stopped him again and whispers something in his ear. So they leave and Lashley makes the statement of he wants all of the gold. Anyone can try to stop him, because he will destroy them all. Then DJ Z comes out. This isn’t going to go well. Zema puts Lashley as a destroyer over and he mentions the fact that Lashley isn’t an X-Division guy so he wants to take his title back. But of course, Lashley does not give a single fuck so he challenges DJ Z to a match of the DJ’s choosing. And since Zema won the right to get the title shot in a ladder match. He wanted the title match to be a ladder match. So now there is going to be a random ladder match on Impact that’s not even the main event. Makes sense.
Ladder match for the X-Divison championship
Yeah so this happens. The fact that the X-division championship and the X-Divison logo in general is green now. They should have kept it red! So as expected Lashley dominates the first part of this match and each time DJ tries to put in a ladder in the ring, Lashley throws it out which I do like since it shows that once again Lashley don’t give a fuck about winning, he wants to destroy poor DJ Z. Zema does a massive leap off the Announcers table onto Lashley which I think he might have taken some notes from the WWE games for the spot. Then there’s an ad break and we come back to Lashley, beating the tune out of DJ Z with a ladder…I’m sorry for the pun. So Lashley was in destruction mode as he hit the dominator on DJ Z. But Lashley is really slow at climbing and DJ Z hits him with a dropkick off it then he jumps off near the top of the ladder onto Lashley who was on the outside of the ring! Lashley lifted the ladder while DJ Z was on it and Lashley pretty much threw him off the ladder. Good stuff. And to end things. Lashley gorilla pressed DJ Z off the freaking ladder! really good and creative spots in this match but it was a predictable match.
Match quality: 8/10
EC3 & Galloway segment
EC3 and Drew were talking backstage and Drew officially dissolves their alliance and he doesn’t want Ethan Carter to help him in Drew’s match against Bennett. This alone tells me who is going to win the main event. Nice job with that TNA.
Bram and Rosemary segment again
So this continues the Bramary or Rosemam storyline so Bram still has no idea what’s going on at all. And Rosemary says that she has never told anyone this before. Well now everybody knows unfortunately so that’s awkward. Rosemary continues her story of finding her love. Her love is called Johnny but he never showed up at her farm so instead, she wrote him a love letter and signed it with her own blood. How romantic. And Johnny did what most men would do if they got a love letter signed with blood and never arrived. So Rosemary cast some spells in hope of getting her love, Johnny. And that’s how she got random face paint. I think? She confessed her love to the random Johnny, who was not what she wanted. dun dun dunnnnn! they magically got closer to the barn while she read the story and now she wants to take Bram to the spot where the ghosts will help her.
Fact of life:
Now Eli Drake is seemingly joined in progress as he complains how he was robbed last week. He says that he is the KOTM Champion and he won’t let Lashley steal his title. and after causing a Pokemon chant in the crowd, Drake accepted Lashley’s challenge because he wants all of the titles which causes the good music of “Sorry about your damn luck!” to echo through the Impact Zone as James Storm comes out in a suit. Huh? Eli Drake replies with the fact that he was looking for contenders not drunks. Then Storm mentions that King of Mountain Championship is the number 1 way to get a title shot at the TNA Championship. Storm tries to give Eli a beer but instead Drake has an entire jug of water which gets punted out of the ring really quickly. Storm mocks Drakes suit calling him a guy from Thunder down under. Someone will find that funny but British people, including yours truly will most likely have no idea what that is. Then Storm asks for one more shot at the title since Drake got DQ’d the last time they squared off but Drake refuses like a true heel, then Storm just switches to childhood insults by saying that his dad banged Drake’s mum. Expected better from James Storm to be honest. So Drake accepts with the condition that Storm can’t drink or ride his cooler to the ring ever again. Storm accepts because he wants a title shot and Storm hits the dummy yeah button which causes Drake to go into rampage mode as he low blowed Storm and hit blunt force trauma and Storm was knocked out so this means that we will get a KOTM Title match next week I assume.
Grado and Sheera segment:
4 segments in a row. Really? Grado and Shera were trying to contact the fixer Tyrus, but they don’t have the money to afford his services so Shera gets really mad and slaps Grado in the face before leaving.
Monsters Ball Tag team championship match
One thing I don’t understand about this match is there used to be a rule where you had to be in total darkness for a certain amount of time before the match and now that rule’s suddenly gone? Makes sense. And why does this match feel like it was randomly put on this show for no reason? They didn’t even mention this through the broadcast until it happened. Anyway this match started backstage between The Bromans and The Decay but it lasted 5 seconds because as soon as they get back from the break, all of them are in the ring and the beginning of this match also feels very rushed but it starts to slow down when the bromans start to gain the control of the match and Robbie hit the boom drop on Crazy Steve onto a chair. Abyss tried to come back but he got double speared through a barbed wire board. Then straight after that they hit the Brodown on Steve onto thumbtacks then Jessie got the crab on Steve who is face down into the tacks. Ouch. Abyss then saved his partner and started to brawl with Jessie until he sent Jessie through the table on the outside. Then Abyss got my favourite weapon, Janice. He was so close to hitting it but Raquel hit the lowblow and Robbie got Janice, only to completely drop it when he went after Steve. Abyss took advantage and chokeslammed Robbie E into the barbed wire board. Steve took the pinfall and after the match he licked the thumbnails. Great.
Match quality: 7/10
The Miracle Mike Bennett vs Drew Galloway in Bound For Glory playoffs semi-final
Moose attacked Drew Galloway before the match and hit him with the apron powerbomb which is kinda Drew’s fault for not accepting EC3’s help. Just saying. I’ll take back what I said at the start, this does make more sense as the main event. Mike dominated the first half of the match. Drew almost came back but jumped from the top into a cutter from Bennett. Bennett threw Galloway to the outside and you could tell that Moose was going to get involved again but Galloway managed to catapult Michael into the steel beam below the ring. Damn. Galloway threw Bennett into the ring and my prediction was wrong again as Moose didn’t even get involved. Drew went for the future shock DDT but The Miracle reversed it and accidentally hit the ref. Brian Hebner needs to work on his selling because his selling to Mike’s clothesline was terrible. And now Moose comes back out to attack Galloway. What was the point of him going backstage in the first place? So Moose fucked Galloway up and the ref counted very slowly allowing Drew to kick out but then EC3 came out. Because friendship is stronger than gold! *thumbs up with a cheesy grin* Anyway turns out the ref went back to sleep because Mike went to hit Drew with a kendo stick and Carter takes it off Bennett and accidently hits Drew. Poor Drew. He is not having a good day. Well everybody knows what is going to happen next. Moose takes out EC3 with the Game breaker. Mike Bennett takes out Drew Galloway with the M.I.P and gets the 1,2,3. Again, the overbooking took over this match. The Pre-match angle and the ending allows Drew to not lose any credibility and also shows Bennett as a guy who will do anything to get the title shot. But all of the extra stuff with Moose and EC3 was a bit too much.
Match Quality: 6/10
Best Match of the night: Ladder Match for the X-Divison title
Worst match of the night: Moose’s debut
Best Segment: Rosemary’s first segment
Worst segment: Bennett & Moose
Overall rating: 7/10
Predictions for next week: Galloway turns heel and costs Carter the number 1 contendership for the world title, Lashley will face another X-divison guy.
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